Guffing in Cars.

You've probably been through this before. You go out for lunch with colleagues, have a good meal and make convivial conversation. Before long, it's time to get back to the office and the bunch of you pile into one car. There's small talk - there's always a pressing need for some sort of conversation to take place when a group of people get in the same vehicle, even if there's really nothing to be said. Usually someone makes a reference to that universal post-lunch stupor, jokes about shutting the office door to kip for a bit. We're all secretly thankful for this as it gives everyone in the car an excuse for not participating in the conversation thereafter.

And then it happens. At first you think it's just a figment of your imagination. You look out the car windows, maybe you've driven past a dump or swamp or really large outdoor toilet. But then it becomes clear that someone in the car has let out a secret stinker, you just don't know who. You try to look around for a guilty face without making it look like you've noticed - you don't want the culprit to feel too bad about himself, and you certainly don't want others to think it's you. You start to get really conscious of your movements, your facial expressions. You become wary that anything you do might be misinterpreted as guilt.

You start to wonder if it's appropriate to break the almost respectful silence by cracking a joke about what just happened. But then you hold yourself back: surely that would seem too defensive and might inadvertently cast suspicion upon yourself. You take into account the fact that the people with you are colleagues - you wouldn't want to offend someone you have to work with. You feel downright uncomfortable and the thought of making eye contact with anyone in the car becomes unbearable.

While your mind races thinking about the appropriate reaction to the situation, you realise the malodourous veil has disappeared (or perhaps you've just gotten used to it). The rigor mortis that had seized your body quickly fades away. You furtively take a long, deep breath to clear your mind and the black spots that were beginning to cloud your vision from all that shallow breathing. You begin to relax and shyly turn to the person next to you.

"You got any meetings on this afternoon?"