Saturday, April 07, 2007
Lipophobia.
For the past 48 hours, I have been struggling with a very sudden and mysterious phenomenon: "The Muffintop That Sure As Hell Wasn't There When I Woke Up This Morning". Surely an average portion of German mushroom stew and half a raspberry tart cannot by themselves bump me up a whole dress size? (This is particularly annoying because now I am in-between-sizes for a gorgeous MNG suit which I really really want.)
Not that you asked, but even the lax didn't work. (Well it worked, but the muffintop is still there.)
What is really peculiar about this muffintop is that it seems to gather mass from absolutely nothing. I can make it disappear completely by flexing my abs, but I honestly don't know where it goes when I do that. I can make it look even more distended - making me look about 5 months pregnant - by pushing my abs out. The other parts of my body remain the same size when doing these, it's definitely not food or water cos none was involved, and I held my nose so it's definitely not air either...
... I can only conclude that the muffintop comes from ectoplasm, which means that my abdomen is Possessed. Or, I have been artificially inseminated by aliens that can grow and shrink at will.
ANYWAY. Fearing that the phenomenon will turn into a Persistent Fact (I am now 25 and everybody tells me that's when my body will start going downhill), I stopped by the friendly general nutrition store and ended up spending 6% of a month's paycheck on supplements that promise to help me eliminate excess body fat and build lean muscle mass. Now what I need is one of those weighing machines that also analyse body fat percentage.
(Aside: If you intend to start your own business, may I recommend you choose one that feeds off human insecurities - they make a lot of money. Consider how during the most recent economic recession in this country, the slimming industry was the only one that never stopped making profits. Look at how the life insurance industry is the only consistently profitable insurance sector, worldwide. And have you seen how much parents are paying for their kids to attend motivational talks to help them study harder? It's sick.)
========
Again a post that with a promising start and a vaguely interesting middle that went absolutely nowhere. HA. Story of my life really.
Not that you asked, but even the lax didn't work. (Well it worked, but the muffintop is still there.)
What is really peculiar about this muffintop is that it seems to gather mass from absolutely nothing. I can make it disappear completely by flexing my abs, but I honestly don't know where it goes when I do that. I can make it look even more distended - making me look about 5 months pregnant - by pushing my abs out. The other parts of my body remain the same size when doing these, it's definitely not food or water cos none was involved, and I held my nose so it's definitely not air either...
... I can only conclude that the muffintop comes from ectoplasm, which means that my abdomen is Possessed. Or, I have been artificially inseminated by aliens that can grow and shrink at will.
ANYWAY. Fearing that the phenomenon will turn into a Persistent Fact (I am now 25 and everybody tells me that's when my body will start going downhill), I stopped by the friendly general nutrition store and ended up spending 6% of a month's paycheck on supplements that promise to help me eliminate excess body fat and build lean muscle mass. Now what I need is one of those weighing machines that also analyse body fat percentage.
(Aside: If you intend to start your own business, may I recommend you choose one that feeds off human insecurities - they make a lot of money. Consider how during the most recent economic recession in this country, the slimming industry was the only one that never stopped making profits. Look at how the life insurance industry is the only consistently profitable insurance sector, worldwide. And have you seen how much parents are paying for their kids to attend motivational talks to help them study harder? It's sick.)
========
Again a post that with a promising start and a vaguely interesting middle that went absolutely nowhere. HA. Story of my life really.
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