I'M BORED.

AND IT'S FRUSTRATINGLY DEBILITATING. The highlight of my entire weekend was accidentally catching "Children of Men" on cable. (Brilliant movie - Alfonso Cuarón might just me the only director whose name I'd know, Michael Caine still rocks the silver screen, Clive Owen is The Hotness, it's made me almost look forward to a post-apocalyptic future; according to IMDB.com it was never released here - figures!) Shopping was HELL; this country is seriously overpopulated and noisy noisy noisy and it smells (OMG it's the apocalypse!); I've done an embarrassing number of online tests (Apparently if I were a dictator I'd be Nicolae Ceauşescu.) Even the Hot Young Intern was disappointing, reminding me too much of, well, ME when I was 20.

Fuck this Chris Evans and Jason Statham are on the telly. Back later.

Question:

How do I spin a convincing argument for my bosses to send me to Greece for three weeks during the summer to hit the beaches and party do a course on modern oceans law and policy?

Not just sliced bread.

There are many things in this world that are underrated. Little things that, in their own special ways, make me happy. This post is in honour of all the mini-wonders that have helped me survive a dry weekend spent pretending to study for the CFA:

1. Arnott's mint slices

2. Tea

3. The electric kettle

4. Cheddar cheese nachos/pretzel bits/anything

5. Instant coffee

6. Cotton buds

7. Instant noodles

8. Eggs

9. Free pens that come in corporate goodie bags

10. Toothpaste in flavours other than mint

11. Economy packs of no-frills black thongs that fit perfectly

12. Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger"

...

I either need to stop staring the booze at 6pm ojust say no to it.

Did I mention that Commander (not commodre, apparentluy) is really seally HOT?!

Aww...

I love US navy officers. I try really hard not to because I disagree with US foreign policy, but I can't help being absolutely charmed by them. The ones I've met have all been really cheerful, earnest guys who genuinely believe that what they're doing is right and for the benefit of all mankind. Their optimism and eagerness to learn and do stuff are almost infectious. Maybe it's from being stuck at sea for most of the year, that it's just humanly impossible for them not to find the sheer state of being on land The Most Exciting Thing Ever. I couldn't help but break into an indulgent grin when I heard the commodore I met today say "Wow" like a 5 year old kid when he was informed that the Greeks were influencing Chinese art as far back as the 10th century. SO CUTE. Damn, most of the men I know probably wouldn't have given a shit!

Hell, they probably wouldn't have been caught dead in a museum!

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In other news, I just caught the last half hour of Predator, which I think is one of the Best Movies Ever, and now I really REALLY want to get my hands on a tri-beam laser pointer which would look so absolutely effing COOL when I make my presentations. I WANT.

Breakthrough and Conquer.

Remember American Gladiators? Sure you do, you used to watch it as a kid. I sure as hell did. Loved it, couldn't miss it. I even had a tiny crush on one of them, his name was Nitro or Laser or Uranium or something (guess which one I made up). Well they've brought it back! To the States at least. I wonder if it'll ever come out here. It's so much better than the wrestling though (yes, I used to love that too, and thought that The Undertaker was the coolest dude ever).

So embarrassing!

*Grrr*

It's barely quarter past nine in the morning and already Wimpy Colleague, who craves stress and pro-actively creates problems for himself (often fucking up the work of other people for whom these are real responsibilities), has ticked me off. As if listening to his quavering voice and spineless complaints all day long isn't enough! I am fed up with people who, with the lack of instruction from their rank superiors, are incapacitated by the unexpected demands of decision-making. I have no sympathy for people who implode under the weight of endless unnecessary concerns. The sooner, the better, I say.

2007 in Review

Although procrastination has always been my favourite vice, it abuses me - forcing me to make a meaningful assessment of the past year and to outline my objectives for the next, in just one hour... But I have always worked best under pressure, expending the least efforts necessary to achieve desired results. I am after all an economist by training and a business school graduate by accident; yet born into a creed that observes relaxation, personal space and balance.

In the spirit of lean operations for best results, I will reduce my world in 2007 to the five key events that would shape my future. In chronological order, they are:

1. I got a new job.

By far the most significant turning point in my life since leaving business school. Suddenly I was motivated to wake up for work every morning and for the first time, considered it possible to survive six years of legal bondage to the government. The new job came with far more responsibilities and much heavier workload; but in return I get real opportunities to influence consequential decisions, and respect for my efforts and my principles (including an increasingly leftist political approach). Oh yeah and I got to go to Hamburg, Copenhagen, Oslo, London and Paris.

2. I kicked the D habit.

Well, really, the habit kicked me. Like a country imploding under the pressures of impasse en route to a change of leadership, I needed a violent upheaval to purge myself of a destructive past and to introduce a brighter future.

3. I got a cat and boob job!

I accepted the responsibility of another creature's life and irreversibly changed my own. Now I can do ANYTHING!

4. I went to Goa.

And everything material has seemed immaterial to me ever since.

5. I finished reading War and Peace.

The words "A Life Changing Novel" ensconced in a very authoritative red circle scream out from the book cover. I dare not challenge it. I also read: Anna Karenina, Crime and Punishment, the Queen of Spades and other Stories, My Name is Red, Industrial Society and its Future, Hegemony or Survival, and a history of Africa's independence since 1950. So those are probably the reasons why I may have seemed overbearingly broody in 2007.


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I'll work on my expectations for 2008 tomorrow. Meanwhile, I've decided to get a prowling cougar tattooed on my right thigh. I've been trawling the internet for appropriate designs, and it keeps telling me that cougars are signs of courage, loyalty and leadership. And here I was thinking it was a sign that I want to get naked with the Hot Young Intern from the 19th floor!

HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!!!

Guffing in Cars.

You've probably been through this before. You go out for lunch with colleagues, have a good meal and make convivial conversation. Before long, it's time to get back to the office and the bunch of you pile into one car. There's small talk - there's always a pressing need for some sort of conversation to take place when a group of people get in the same vehicle, even if there's really nothing to be said. Usually someone makes a reference to that universal post-lunch stupor, jokes about shutting the office door to kip for a bit. We're all secretly thankful for this as it gives everyone in the car an excuse for not participating in the conversation thereafter.

And then it happens. At first you think it's just a figment of your imagination. You look out the car windows, maybe you've driven past a dump or swamp or really large outdoor toilet. But then it becomes clear that someone in the car has let out a secret stinker, you just don't know who. You try to look around for a guilty face without making it look like you've noticed - you don't want the culprit to feel too bad about himself, and you certainly don't want others to think it's you. You start to get really conscious of your movements, your facial expressions. You become wary that anything you do might be misinterpreted as guilt.

You start to wonder if it's appropriate to break the almost respectful silence by cracking a joke about what just happened. But then you hold yourself back: surely that would seem too defensive and might inadvertently cast suspicion upon yourself. You take into account the fact that the people with you are colleagues - you wouldn't want to offend someone you have to work with. You feel downright uncomfortable and the thought of making eye contact with anyone in the car becomes unbearable.

While your mind races thinking about the appropriate reaction to the situation, you realise the malodourous veil has disappeared (or perhaps you've just gotten used to it). The rigor mortis that had seized your body quickly fades away. You furtively take a long, deep breath to clear your mind and the black spots that were beginning to cloud your vision from all that shallow breathing. You begin to relax and shyly turn to the person next to you.

"You got any meetings on this afternoon?"

TDBD (Addendum)

11. Navigate the Northwest Passage (while it's still icy) on an ice-breaker.

Things to Do Before I Die.

I blame it on my fascination with Russian fiction and, well, general non-fiction, in the past year. Provoked by the need for retrospect that time forces upon us towards the end of every year; and the sense of hope that Christmas tends to bring round. That things are slow in the office also helps.

Yes, this is (part of) a list of stuff I'd like to do (in no particular order) before I die. It's likely to evolve over time, with more items changing than being ticked off. A crude manifestation of my life's objectives and ambitions. Maybe (hopefully?) even a prototype epitaph. So here goes:

1. Be choppered onto an offshore oil rig, preferably a new-ish one, in the North Sea (or wherever's sexy at the time), and choppered off, of course.

2. Cross the Bering Strait in a kayak.

3. Watch herds of migratory animals from a hot air balloon somewhere over Africa.

4. Do all that travelling I mentioned in the previous two posts.

5. Live and work in London.

6. Live and work in Russia.

7. Find a humanitarian cause and acting on it.

8. See the establishment and worldwide recognition of a contiguous and viable Palestine state capable of sustaining a nation.

9. Raise intelligent and useful kids.

10. Skydive.

...and lots of other stuff. That I can't be bothered to think about right now, when it's time to leave the office.

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I was reading TIME's list of people who have left us in 2007, and was shocked to find out that Kurt Vonnegut passed away this April. Vonnegut was my favourite critic of modern society and a major influence on how I think today. He's said and written countless memorable things, but I think the following is most apt for my blog:

"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be."

R.I.P. K.V.

Hello Traveller! (II)

Russia! Central Asia! North West China and Mongolia!

The Trans-Siberian Railway!

Hello Traveller!

It's a slow post-public holiday end-of-year Friday morning in the office, and work is the last thing on my mind.

Having browsed through Dio's list of places she would like to visit before she dies, I too feel compelled to make public my travelling desires. Bearing in mind that my days as an indentured slave would end sometime in 2011, here are my plans till then:

2008 > International Year of the Sanitation (?) and the Potato (I kid you not)

Climbing Mount Kinabalu and diving off Layang-Layang, Sabah; Mulu Caves in Sarawak

2009 > International Year of Astronomy and Natural Fibres (??!)

Climbing Mount Kilimanjaro, Tanzania; feeling the Freddie in Zanzibar; maybe diving off Mozambique

2010 > International Year of Communications

Trek to Mount Everest Base Camp and getting some culture in Nepal

2011 > International Year of Forests

South America! More high altitude adventures in Machu Picchu! Don't forget Lake Titicaca! A boat ride on the Amazon River, parties in Rio de Janeiro! And culture in Buenos Aires :)

Yeah so there's a lot of physical activity up there, but what better time to do that than when I'm still young?

La la la la la...

Brown as a Berry!

That's me! Got back from a one week getaway to Goa last night, and I'm missing it already *sniff*

Here's a pic from the trip:



It pretty much sums up my Goan experience :)


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I think I've also figured out what I want. You know, from life. Yay!

Good Idea:

Sleeping during the lunchtime. Rainy weather, a private room, a yoga mat, a half-empty office... zzzz... I might even make this a daily ritual. All I need are a blanket and a pillow to complete the job. Brilliance.

Tick tock?

I want to marry an architect. A naval architect will do too. A man with the ability to weave the elegance of math and starkness of physics with wood metal stone glass mortar anything - to immortalise a beautiful idea in a functional form.

Where do I find him?

I love this city!

Arsey immigration officer, train delays due to a fatality on the track; brazen cold and spiritless rain; blustering moustaches staring sullenly out of kebab stores; Caribbean, Mediterranean, Eastern European voices moving through the streets... it's good to be home :)

It surprised me how easily I slipped into the swing of things here, after being away for over two years. I've paid respect to the city, revisiting streets that have long heard my footsteps and buildings that continue to influence my dreamscapes, catching up with old friends and recalling a culture shaped by freedom, acceptance and intemperate weather.

I leave in two days but now I am certain of returning, for the long run.

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It amuses me that my Big Boss, a man of political office and foreign affairs, despises small talk as much as I do.

Are you a logophile?

Or do you fancy yourself a cunning linguist? Do you have multiple online dictionaries in your list of "Favourites"? Do you open the "Word of the Day" e-mail every morning, before anything else? Does your everyday speech comprise esoteric words and are you often frustrated by blank looks of incomprehension on the faces of those around you? Does it pain you to have to articulate your thoughts in a manner less intellectually demanding for the sake of your audience? Do you bear with stoic resignation the recognition that your keen linguistic abilities will never be fully appreciated by the hoi polloi (or do you wear this knowledge with pride and a sneer)?

If any of these questions resonates through your being, then Your Time Has Come.

FreeRice is an internet word game that tests the vocabulary of participants. For every correct answer, companies advertising on the website will donate money to buy and distribute 10 grains of rice. 1 billion grains of rice is enough to feed 50,000 people for one day.

So, for instant gratification and altruistic well-being, click on the following:

http://www.freerice.com/

A Response.

Much to my surprise, I received the following response to a past post:

" hey I just realised today that this is you, and I looked at your blog and I was so impressed by your writing and then I noticed you had an entry with my name as the title, it had been removed but the comments by other people had not, after reading them I figure you must have entered some pretty terrible stuff about me. I wasn't going to make contact with you as no one has ever said as horrible and hurtful things to me as you did in your text messages but I think publishing this kind of stuff is going a bit to far, you really insulted me, I have never uttered a bad word about you, anyway if you where wondering why I ceased contact with you, now you know, you are a wonderful person inside but unfortunately you have a fork shaped tongue and talent for making me feel small. I still think of you alot and I really hope you are doing well. Take care and I hope in the future you will seek the cause of the stain before airing the laundry publicly. "

--------

This is my response:

Dear D____,

While my blog spreads out pieces of my private life in the public domain, to all who read it -save a handful of souls with whom I dare entrust my innermost thoughts and feelings - these posts are as good as the random scribblings of the Everyman (or woman, as in my case). Rest assured that there is no possibility that the post you refer to, an insignificant mote on the worldwide web, is identifiable with your person. I would be hard-pressed to believe that the few who have read it can even recall its content, which was hardly as scathing as you imagined it to be. I had even gone so far as to first run your name through search engines to ensure that it occurred frequently enough and in relation to countless other individuals, so that yet another mention on my blog would raise no alarm.

No, I have not been wondering why you ceased contact with me.

I never even began to worry about what you might have been saying about me. The violent contrasts of your words against your behaviour was all the damage I could humanly tolerate. I concede that had I been more rational, I would have realised that much of it could have been avoided if I had attributed the pattern of incidents to benign peculiarities in your personality rather than any malicious intent on your side.

But drawing straight lines of logic in my interactions with you was too challenging, too often. Mostly because you were many persons:

• First and foremost, you were the person you wanted your audience to see.
• Second, you were the person you perceived your audience to see.
• Third, you were the person you wanted yourself to be.
• Fourth, you were the person you only allowed the ones you cared about to see.
• And then there was you.

I often felt that even you were confused by the different characters in your play.

Did you know that a snake's forked tongue allows it to smell its environment better? It helps them decide if there is a need to fight or flee, especially when too many vibrations in the snake's environment make it difficult to discern sources of danger.

Who spilt the sauce that caused the stain? Was someone holding the bottle when another pushed carelessly by? Who wore the shirt? Who made the sauce? Who handed the bottle to the other and who tried to scrub away at the stain, hoping for it to disappear but only causing it to spread? Who stood by the side, watching without extending a hand to help? Why the fuck were these two people eating at the same table in the first place?

They don't even like the same food!

*gasp*

When I was about 6 years old, my parents packed the family and a couple of cousins off to a resort for a fun weekend. I'd just learnt to swim then and was terribly excited by the pool. My parents told me to stay in the shallow regions and left me in the care of my brother and cousin, who promptly swam off to a deeper part of the pool where the older kids were. Of course, as an impressionable little sister I swam off after them. I got tired and couldn't quite make it to the edge of the pool, and started to panic when I realised that the water was deeper than I was tall. Gesturing frantically didn't seem to attract my brother's attention, and the next thing I knew I was out of the pool sitting next to my mom listening to my dad yelling angrily at my brother.

Now, bone dry and 100m over sea level, I feel the same sense of panic and breathlessness from almost two decades ago. I'm not sure how I am going to meet all my deadlines in the next few weeks/months/years, but I do know that this time round my dad won't be able to pull me out of the water.

Back to work.